Wednesday, March 2, 2011

22 Days left: Countdown to the end of the world

So I know it seems like I'm posting twice in one day but in reality I wrote today's earlier post last night. I didn't put it up till this morning because my boyfriend interrupted me. So here is the real Wednesday post:

There are 22 days left until my family goes on vacation... to the beach! I am not not not looking forward to it. I knew the date we were scheduled to leave awhile ago but it only just today registered with me that I only have 3 more weeks until I'll have to wear a bathing suit in public. I'm so scared. I love the beach but I hate bikinis and I seriously don't have enough time to get my body ready. If I lose 2 pounds a week for the next three weeks I will be 104 lbs by doomsday but it isn't just about how much I'll weigh. I'm more concerned with the fact I won't be able to build muscle or tone up by then. I feel like a sack of fat now (at 110 lbs) so what is going to keep me from feeling like a sack of fat when I'm down 6 pounds if I don't build any muscle. Why can't the trip be in June? Why do my thighs have to be so monstrously large? Why do I feel like my body looks the same at 110 as it did at my highest weight? Why do bikinis never flatter my figure? Why do I have to be going on the trip with two really athletic slim girls? I am having major anxiety over this. I didn't work out yesterday because of how sore I was from Monday's weightlifting and I don't think I'll be able to work out today because I can barely walk. Normally I would try and get some cardio in anyways but I have really hurt myself in the past from over training and I'm trying to avoid that. So I basically have barely worked out at all this week and I'm stressing over a frighteningly close bikini deadline. Anyone have any ideas on how I can ease my mind about the bathing suit situation? I seriously need to stop stressing. Acting like this is going to lead to a binge. I'm going to say goodbye for now and go try and think positive thoughts. I will be okay. Bikinis aren't the end of the world. I will find a bikini that makes me look thin. I will continue to lose weight until we leave. I will stick to my diet. I will be able to exercise tomorrow. I will have fun at the beach. I will not lose my mind.

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