Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 4: Belly achy
I have the worst tummy ache. I'm gonna make this short because I want to rest and get myself feeling better. I've eaten well today. I went to the gym and worked out for an hour. I split my time between the stair stepper, elliptical, and treadmill. However, I neglected to write down all the info I needed to properly estimate my calories burned so I have no idea how well or how bad I did today. I think my burn was on the lower end because I started feeling hypoglycemic about 20 mins into my work out. I need to find away to avoid this in the future. My brother is helping me whip my butt into shape. We are transforming our garage into a weight room. I am so excited and I can't wait to start an ass kicking strength training work outs. I think I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow just so I can get an idea of how I'm doing and if I need to start either working out more or restricting more. I just looked at my e-mail and my bodybugg isn't going to arrive until Monday which is a little bit of a bummer. I am jumping out of my seat waiting for it to get here. One of my top reasons for wanting to lose weight is my belly. I hate all the extra fat I have there. So for inspiration or shall I say thinspiration I collected lots of pictures of beautiful abs. I haven't had a mid section I was proud of since I first gained all this weight. I don't know exactly what it will take to get me there or how low my weight will have to be to satisfy my goals. I'm probably going to go to Wholefoods tomorrow to get some healthy foods. I'm not sure what to get. I know I want olives and organic nut butters. As for now I've decided to get a little snack and head to bed shortly after. Night night
Monday, February 14, 2011
Day 3: Starting fresh so soon?
I'm sad to report that I binged last night but I'm OKAY with it and focused on moving forward. Feeling sick today which meant not going to Seaworld. I am a bit disappointed but what can you do? I'm already at my calorie allowance for the day and I predict that it will be hard not eating a thing until bedtime but I think I can do it. I think I can I think I can I think I can. No exercise for today because a. it is Valentine's Day and b. I am feeling like shit. That is all to report for now. I am feeling a bit down in the doldrums. I'm a little sad about the binge, a little sad about being sick, and a little sad about the scales. Rawr, I might try and report more later. Wish me luck girlies!
Good news! I got my new cycling shorts in the mail and I loved them so much that they inspired me to go for a ride. I'm glad I got to squeeze in some exercise and I am doubly glad that my boyfriend doesn't want to go out for dinner. We have decided to have a low key night at home with a few movies and lots of love.
I am happy to report that the last three days I have burned 1474 calories by working out. I am proud of that. I am hoping to go to the gym tomorrow to add a little variety. I'll probably use the stair stepper or elliptical and I'll defiantly hit the machine that targets your inner thighs. They are a terrible trouble spot of mine.
I'm thinking about dying my hair. I am a natural blonde but I'm getting tired of the same old thing. However, I'm having difficulty maintaining the health of my hair so maybe dying it would be a bad decision. I want a change in my look and while I wish that change was losing 15 lbs, I realize that it won't happen over night. A new haircut or dye job might give my a little extra motivation and pep. This week I am going to work on a list of rewards I will give myself when I reach weight goals. I have never done this before and I'm hoping it will help motivate me and keep me feeling positive.
Good news! I got my new cycling shorts in the mail and I loved them so much that they inspired me to go for a ride. I'm glad I got to squeeze in some exercise and I am doubly glad that my boyfriend doesn't want to go out for dinner. We have decided to have a low key night at home with a few movies and lots of love.
I am happy to report that the last three days I have burned 1474 calories by working out. I am proud of that. I am hoping to go to the gym tomorrow to add a little variety. I'll probably use the stair stepper or elliptical and I'll defiantly hit the machine that targets your inner thighs. They are a terrible trouble spot of mine.
I'm thinking about dying my hair. I am a natural blonde but I'm getting tired of the same old thing. However, I'm having difficulty maintaining the health of my hair so maybe dying it would be a bad decision. I want a change in my look and while I wish that change was losing 15 lbs, I realize that it won't happen over night. A new haircut or dye job might give my a little extra motivation and pep. This week I am going to work on a list of rewards I will give myself when I reach weight goals. I have never done this before and I'm hoping it will help motivate me and keep me feeling positive.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Day 2: A step in the right direction
Today hasn't gotten off to the greatest start. I seriously need to shower but the water in my house won't heat up. I don't want to exercise without knowing I can wash up afterwards. No one wants to stay sweaty and filthy longer than they have to... or I hope no one wants that. This means I might bat a 0 on exercise for the day. I hate when wrenches are thrown into the gears but such is life. In other news, I'm planning on ordering something called a bodybugg. It will measure my total daily calorie expenditure with 90% accuracy. I'm excited! I wish it were here already but it looks like I'm going to have to wait 5-6 days. This little bugg should help me figure out how much I really should be eating/working out to meet my goals. I'm hoping it will help keep me accountable and speed along my weight loss progress. I'm gonna have to repeat myself... I AM EXCITED!
Tomorrow is V-day so I won't be able to get any formal exercise. Plus, I'll have the temptation of chocolate to deal with. Hopefully, my boyfriend and I are able to go to Seaworld like we've planned but if the water in out house is still off we won't be able to go anywhere in public (no shower in 2 days= gross). I'm almost done the card I'm making him. It is pretty cheesy but that is what Valentines day is all about. It is 1:00 pm and I've only eaten an apple and a glass of milk with coffee. I need some more protein. I try and aim at 100 grams of lean protein a day so I can retain as much of my muscle as possible while losing weight. The goal is to lose pounds of fat not pounds of muscle. Talking about food is making my belly grumble. I'm gonna go fix myself some lunch. I'll be back on later to update this post on today's progress.
I'm back! I had two veggie patties and another glass of milk for lunch. I still need more proteins but that should be too hard to manage. I'm kinda bored. I wish wish wish I could shower. Anyways...
In the past I've weighed myself everyday. No matter how much or little you eat there usually isn't a huge difference in the day to day numbers on the scale as long as you take the measurement at the same time of day. This can be very discouraging. All that work and the scales hardly seem to move. I have decided to try and only weigh myself once a week. That way I'll see a bigger difference in my progress and it will help motivate me to stay strong. The temptation to jump on the scale is insane. It is a hard habit to break after years of daily weigh ins. Hopefully, I'll be able to stick to my resolution to stay off the scale.
I also am trying to remember to take my daily vitamins. I've been better about it this past week. I have really long hair that has started to get a little dry and unless I keep taking my vitamins it could get worse!!! I don't want to have to cut my hair but if I can't keep it healthy that is what is going to end up happening. This is another reason for my high protein, nutritionally dense diet. When I say nutritionally dense I mean health food or food that has a good amount of nutrients for the amount of calories (no fillers, low sugar, no junk food, etc). I'm also reading The New Rules of Lifting for Women. The book is about strength training and it outlines 6 months of workouts that help build muscle and shed fat. According to the book I need to be eating way more. However, I'm waiting until I get the bodybugg to adjust my calorie intake (if needed). I also haven't started the strength training in the book yet so there isn't any need to up my calories as of yet. Even so, I'm not sure if I would be comfy going above 1000 cals at all. I mean 1000 is a ton for someone like me. And most people going through a restricting cycle don't eat more than 800. The only reason I'm at 1000 right now is to keep my protein intake up and to ease myself out of the worst binge cycle I've had in years. It is so hard to know what to do. No matter how I tweak my plan I never find a place I am comfortable at. I guess it is because I am so uncomfortable at my current weight that nothing I do will make me comfortable until I get to my goal. Basically, I won't find any satisfaction in my progress until I have completely reached my goal. Even then I predict I will be uneasy for fear I will gain every sickening pound back like I have so many times before.
YAY! I just talked to my mom and the propane people are coming today which means we will have hot water soon. This is double happiness because it means I get to exercise today and I get to go to Seaworld and properly celebrate Valentines day tomorrow. Wooo! Now I have no excuse to be a lazy ass :P I'm all dressed in my biking gear to ensure I go. It seems silly but I'm feeling super lazy today and I'd imagine I would make just about any excuse to avoid working out. I might not get my hour and a half in but I'm hoping I can at least last an hour. I'm gonna watch an episode of The Biggest Loser to motivate me to exercise harder and then I'm gonna head out for my ride. I'll update you again once I get back.
I'm back from my ride. I burned an estimated 705 calories in 64 minutes biking. I am exhausted. I've only eaten 600 cals so far and I burned off 705. Woot! However, I won't be able to exercise tomorrow and the only food options I'll have for lunch and most likely dinner will be amusement park food. Eww!
Tomorrow is V-day so I won't be able to get any formal exercise. Plus, I'll have the temptation of chocolate to deal with. Hopefully, my boyfriend and I are able to go to Seaworld like we've planned but if the water in out house is still off we won't be able to go anywhere in public (no shower in 2 days= gross). I'm almost done the card I'm making him. It is pretty cheesy but that is what Valentines day is all about. It is 1:00 pm and I've only eaten an apple and a glass of milk with coffee. I need some more protein. I try and aim at 100 grams of lean protein a day so I can retain as much of my muscle as possible while losing weight. The goal is to lose pounds of fat not pounds of muscle. Talking about food is making my belly grumble. I'm gonna go fix myself some lunch. I'll be back on later to update this post on today's progress.
I'm back! I had two veggie patties and another glass of milk for lunch. I still need more proteins but that should be too hard to manage. I'm kinda bored. I wish wish wish I could shower. Anyways...
In the past I've weighed myself everyday. No matter how much or little you eat there usually isn't a huge difference in the day to day numbers on the scale as long as you take the measurement at the same time of day. This can be very discouraging. All that work and the scales hardly seem to move. I have decided to try and only weigh myself once a week. That way I'll see a bigger difference in my progress and it will help motivate me to stay strong. The temptation to jump on the scale is insane. It is a hard habit to break after years of daily weigh ins. Hopefully, I'll be able to stick to my resolution to stay off the scale.
I also am trying to remember to take my daily vitamins. I've been better about it this past week. I have really long hair that has started to get a little dry and unless I keep taking my vitamins it could get worse!!! I don't want to have to cut my hair but if I can't keep it healthy that is what is going to end up happening. This is another reason for my high protein, nutritionally dense diet. When I say nutritionally dense I mean health food or food that has a good amount of nutrients for the amount of calories (no fillers, low sugar, no junk food, etc). I'm also reading The New Rules of Lifting for Women. The book is about strength training and it outlines 6 months of workouts that help build muscle and shed fat. According to the book I need to be eating way more. However, I'm waiting until I get the bodybugg to adjust my calorie intake (if needed). I also haven't started the strength training in the book yet so there isn't any need to up my calories as of yet. Even so, I'm not sure if I would be comfy going above 1000 cals at all. I mean 1000 is a ton for someone like me. And most people going through a restricting cycle don't eat more than 800. The only reason I'm at 1000 right now is to keep my protein intake up and to ease myself out of the worst binge cycle I've had in years. It is so hard to know what to do. No matter how I tweak my plan I never find a place I am comfortable at. I guess it is because I am so uncomfortable at my current weight that nothing I do will make me comfortable until I get to my goal. Basically, I won't find any satisfaction in my progress until I have completely reached my goal. Even then I predict I will be uneasy for fear I will gain every sickening pound back like I have so many times before.
YAY! I just talked to my mom and the propane people are coming today which means we will have hot water soon. This is double happiness because it means I get to exercise today and I get to go to Seaworld and properly celebrate Valentines day tomorrow. Wooo! Now I have no excuse to be a lazy ass :P I'm all dressed in my biking gear to ensure I go. It seems silly but I'm feeling super lazy today and I'd imagine I would make just about any excuse to avoid working out. I might not get my hour and a half in but I'm hoping I can at least last an hour. I'm gonna watch an episode of The Biggest Loser to motivate me to exercise harder and then I'm gonna head out for my ride. I'll update you again once I get back.
I'm back from my ride. I burned an estimated 705 calories in 64 minutes biking. I am exhausted. I've only eaten 600 cals so far and I burned off 705. Woot! However, I won't be able to exercise tomorrow and the only food options I'll have for lunch and most likely dinner will be amusement park food. Eww!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day 1: Starving for a cure
I've gained 5 wretched pounds by binging until I was too bloated to move. I don't think I'll ever understand why I put myself through these sick cycles of starving and binging over and over. It is ingrained into me as though it were as natural a function as breathing. I wish I could make myself purge up all the calorie loaded foods I binge on. I've tried again and again but my gag reflex isn't strong enough to produce the desired result. Instead the excess fat and calories settles onto my face, inner thighs, and lower belly like a blubbery mask I can't shake off. I hate this new jiggle. My reflection is nothing like the person I feel like inside. I feel the skinny me trapped in a body too big. I hate this. So lets starve off this extra flesh in hopes I can finally feel like myself again. I know its a pipe dream but can't I have a little hope that one day I'll finally be thin enough. Anyone who is even slightly familiar with disordered eating knows it is never 'enough'. There is always another 10 lbs to lose. Always an ever shrinking goal weight. Even at my low of 76lbs I was still trying desperately to lose. I'm heading out for my bike ride now. Wish me luck. It feel like it will take a miracle for me to be thin again.
So I'm back from my bike ride which I had to end early because of the weather. I'm a bit disappointed about that but there isn't much I can do. The gym closes early on Friday-Sunday. My goal is to burn off a pound of fat a week with exercise alone. This means I would have to burn an average of 514 calories a day (to get 3600 a week). I'm 264 calories short of that goal for today. It doesn't look like I'm off to a good start -_- I'll have to make it up tomorrow by burning a whooping 778 calories. I'll have to bike for an hour and a half if I want to reach that goal. Seems daunting considering I only did a third of that today. You have to work hard if you want results and I NEED results.
Daily stats-
Weight:115 lbs
Progress: 0 lbs
Calorie intake: 755 calories
Exercise: 7 mile bike ride (30 mins)
Estimated calories burned: 250
So I'm back from my bike ride which I had to end early because of the weather. I'm a bit disappointed about that but there isn't much I can do. The gym closes early on Friday-Sunday. My goal is to burn off a pound of fat a week with exercise alone. This means I would have to burn an average of 514 calories a day (to get 3600 a week). I'm 264 calories short of that goal for today. It doesn't look like I'm off to a good start -_- I'll have to make it up tomorrow by burning a whooping 778 calories. I'll have to bike for an hour and a half if I want to reach that goal. Seems daunting considering I only did a third of that today. You have to work hard if you want results and I NEED results.
Each day that I succeed I get one step closer to my goal!
This pic comes to illustrating my goals:
This pic comes to illustrating my goals:
Daily stats-
Weight:115 lbs
Progress: 0 lbs
Calorie intake: 755 calories
Exercise: 7 mile bike ride (30 mins)
Estimated calories burned: 250
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