Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day 7: Getting away with murder

I'm not going to say too much because I don't want to jinx myself but I have something to be happy about. I actually have two things to be happy about. Tomorrow my boyfriend and I are going to whole foods to stock up on some health food and then going on a picnic together. So far the list of foods I want looks something like this:
-natural nut butters
-pumpkin seeds
-crystallized baby ginger
-lisanti almond cheese
+ whatever else looks nommy

In disappointing/confusing news there is something weird going on with me and my medicines. When I take a x pill in the morning I feel it's effectiveness but when I take x pill at night it has 0 effect. I know you all must be thinking it's because I'm building up some sort of tolerance but I honestly haven't been taking this medicine regularly so that can't be the cause. Regardless, I am going to try and lay off the pills for the next couple days and take only what I absolutely have to.

I'll update you more in the morning.

So it's morning... and I am freaking out. 100% freaking out. I weighed myself and dum dum dum dum 117 lbs. That would mean I have gained a pound a day (these last two days) on a 1000 calorie diet. I don't get it. I still haven't pooped but at this point relying on that for my weight gain would be fool hearty. I'm really disappointed in this week. I stuck to my plan (mostly). I did slip up one day but it could have been so much worse. I also exercised a good amount and ate really healthy foods. I don't feel like eating at all today. I don't feel like picnicking with my boyfriend or even getting out of bed. I really don't understand what is going on with my body. None of my meds are working and I'm a wreck. I'm going outside for a smoke which I hardly even do but I am so fucking stressed.

After smoking I changed clothes, washed my hands twice, brushed my teeth, put on perfume, reapplied deodorant, and put on coco butter lotion. I did all of this to mask the smell of the smoke so my boyfriend wouldn't figure out or get upset. His granddad died of a smoking related illness and it really upsets him when I smoke. I am not a smoker. That was my first cigarette in about 6 months. I just smoke sometimes when I'm stressed. It feel better for my health than binging. 1 cigarette vs a thousand+ calorie binge is hardly a contest.

So far all I've eaten today is an apple and some chicken broth putting my calories at 100. Not too shabby. I'm probably going to have some more broth later. I've never had it plain because it isn't something we usually have in the house but boy is it GOOD. If you haven't tried it you should reconsider.

My calorie intake today was really low until night time came around and I had a salt attack. I did manage to listen to my body today and my relationship with food was overall better than usual. I'm trying to see if the new pills work but I guess I'll have to assess this next week compared to last to get a better idea. So far they seem to curb my appetite. I have eaten 780 cals and I usually eat more around 1000. Only down side is that I think they are also giving me a headache. I'm going to lower my dose tomorrow to see if that helps with the side effects. Now it is time for me to act like a normal human and go hang out with my boyfriend.

Take care!

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